i think is where i start over

i reread my last few journal entries and they bloody well sickened me with their "life is so horrible, my girlfriend doesnt love me" angst bullshit

well, no more, you can rest easy

...i have a deadjournal for all that crap

anyways. life, kinda complicated and draining but i suppose thats all part of the challenge eh? one can only assume (and hope)

things with me and my girlfriend...well, ex-fiancee i guess. kinda rocky. i love her...not "i love cheese" love or deluded love but genuine love, love i would honestly sacrifice anything for. but she is scared, just like me, and she is letting her fear control her. just hope she realises she doesnt need to fear me, because i will do anything and everything to make her happy

bleurgh...anyway. nothing really matters that much to me aside from phoenix, ben, the steph, jake, leah, mike, stacey, corrie and a few other people

its weird how, i always though there needed to be blood for their to be a bond, for it to be 'family' but now, that delusion has been erased. i honestly hold steph as family. i would do anything i could in order to change her life for the better

<center>a fraction of a heartbeat made us what we are
a brother and a sister, for better or for worse</center>

ever wish you could just, freeze time and set all the factors in life to the perfect levels for happiness, then start the clock again. making everyone you love as blissful as they deserve to be

i only used to care about myself, selfish i know, but it was an after effect of how i was raised. i learnt to only look out for myself, but i was the only person i had in the world, the only person i could rely on. now i hold people higher than i hold myself...i never imagined that was possible